thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
