i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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