Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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