My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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