I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
