he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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