I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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