my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
