two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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