Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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