What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
