I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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