the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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