____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize