apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
