i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
