i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize