I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
