my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
