just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
