I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
