I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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