I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We don't watch enough power rangers
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
