Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
