My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
