you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
