Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
