So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
