THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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