paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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