God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize