So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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