just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
