Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize