you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
