I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You may now shotgun with the bride
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
