I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
