fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
