I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
