this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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