so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
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