I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
