we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
