ya dads aren't the best wingmen
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
