even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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