I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
