Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
