Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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