Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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