Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
