Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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