I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
