Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
