she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
