She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
