Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
