i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
