I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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