It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
