dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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