I love black thongs
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
