At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
