I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
