I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
