What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
