So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
