I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize