i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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