This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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